Some of us are people pleasers. We want to make others happy, allow them to do their thing, but sometimes that’s at our own expense. We put ourselves out for the sake of others, and that feels the right thing to do, after all, we don’t want to be selfish. We are pleased we’ve made them happy and we can live vicariously through their pleasure.
But what if that person is doing something that is clearly not doing them any good (an addiction of some sort etc), or they’re regularly impacting on our family time, or our own sense of self. Do we still want to facilitate them doing that? Just because it makes them ‘happy’ does that make it okay? Or is it more loving and kind to draw a line, to say, “That’s not okay”; to be clear about what is and isn’t acceptable to us.
Sometimes the loving thing to do is say ‘no’. It might not feel it, but it’s loving towards both them and ourselves. It is kinder to be clear, to say where the line is and when they’ve crossed it. Unpopular, perhaps. But kinder and more loving, definitely. It means that everyone knows where they stand. Wouldn’t you want someone to do that for you?
There’s hope if that sounds like a good idea but feels hard. As a reformed people pleaser I’m proof that you can change and be more boundaried. And I can help you do the same if that’s what you’d like.
Perhaps someone is requiring more of your time than you really want to give, and it’s impacting other relationships. It’s about being clearer about what’s okay and not okay for you, knowing where your line is. If you’d like me to help and support you in gaining clarity and creating boundaries you can check out my Coaching page and email me at immakingtimeforme@gmail.com
Making Time for Me 